have you ever.... procrasinated about something important?

....well procrastination is one of my middle names - lol - and my first blog, of my first ever website, is to acknowledge that I have faced one of my biggest ones i.e. creating this website and survived!

You will find out, as we get to know each other better, that I am not afraid to be honest about myself and my life circumstances. Too many people wear a multitude of masks and hide behind false pretense - and it's SO exhausting and draining NOT being YOU !

So I will be using this blog to open up about my take on life, definitely being vulnerable and perhaps some would say courageous, to some extent, but if my exposing myself and my human foibles helps you to change some of your negative behaviour, I'm very glad to be of service.

Frankly, my keen self-analytical mind, which some people label as 'navel-gazing', is actually the bedrock of my self-growth and I believe it is a fundamental part of what I offer my clients, to facilitate their life transitions to be as smooth as possible.

And it certainly wont always be 'deep s**t' either that I offer on this blog, as I intend to share anything and everything I fancy that might make you laugh,  find a time-saving tip or that your stomachs might appreciate ....?!

SO, back to the website story.....

There was a ridiculous amount of resistance in doing it - you would think I was being asked to swim across the Pacific Ocean ( I could conceivably manage the Channel!). Give me a home-birth any day or ask me to do a sky-dive from 10,000 feet, but having to knuckle down and learn to grapple with the latest website technology AND  to have to write about what I actually do/ offer people in a session and I have metaphorically disappeared off into a darkened corner quivering!

Well Life wasn't going to allow me to stay there for too long and I was dragged kicking to the laptop to get on with it!

There were some interesting questions that arose during these past few months though....

  • why wasn't I owning the gifts I possessed?

  • why did I find it so hard to value what I offer?

  • why didn't I want to find a way of exposing myself and my work to the world?

It turned out to be the usual childhood stories and limiting beliefs I had formed about myself, way back then and which were still playing out in my life today.

I was brought up in a normal? family that respected what traditional doctors, with years of experience, had to say about health and well-being. This may seem a bit of a left-of-centre answer to the first question, but many members of my family are doctors. surgeons, vets etc and as far as they understood, I offered useful nice smelling massage that helped people relax and possibly  temporarily relieve areas of tension in the body. So in admitting to having intuitive healing gifts that actually transformed health isssues and restored optimal health to areas and organs of the body, would, I felt, be potentially suicidal in that environment. Of course these 'fears' were not real, but if they are entrenched in our psyche and have beocome habitual default settings, then they certainly feel real.

In answer to Qu No.2...well I reckon that to possess an intangible gift that is constantly variable at every session, it felt quite hard to put a price on something that seems so amorphous.... and as what I offer is so personally prescriptive, there are no market comparison guidelines. So its has been a great lesson for me in self-appreciation, to quantify and clarify what I offer so that I, let alone the client, is comfortable that I am being fair and offering value for money as well as a service with integrity.

And question 3...foremost for me interestingly, was not necessarily a lack of confidence in my ability or lack of courage in taking my work 'out there', but it was another childhood issue of wanting to create an environment of constancy and stability for my children. What would happen if my work took over and I was no longer able to provide the time and care for my family?

I believe I have achieved that inner feeling of stability for my children, partly  by choosing to home-educate both of them and partly by standing back and allowing them to make their own life choices from an early age, facilitaing when they asked. But now, they are all grown up and function virtually independant of me, I am definitely free now to move on with my life. But that 'little girl' has found it hard to trust in the reality of what now is and has taken a lot of convincing to believe their is no life-emergency anymore.

Isn't it incredible what a powerful impact the past can have on our present day lives, until we become aware of the stories and deliberately and consciously choose a different reality.

And more incredibly, all these issues surfaced just because of the relatively simple exercise of creating a templated website!

I love how life sends us the perfect situation so even the most stubborn of us move on !